So they have a plant? What did they choose and how well is it flourishing? Can you tell if your partner is your perfect life partner by a plant? It may just reveal keen insights into their care taking ability.
When I first started talking to my now-current boyfriend, he mentioned that he had received a basil plant from his mother on Valentine’s Day. Other than the obvious appeal of him being on good terms with his mom, the new discovery of his status as a “plant parent” gave me a gentle nudge in the ribs.
I’ve heard it said that plants are the new pets, pets are the new kids, and kids are for the rich. Frankly, I agree. So, what does that mean for those of us who can reasonably only care for a pet or a plant?
We hear this and that about fur babies. We can also get a fairly accurate idea of what the human parent will be like, based on the “fur baby” of their choosing. What about plant parents? What's revealed about the plant parent, based on the “plant baby” of their choosing
As the number of “plant parents” continues to grow among young adults, it’s worth taking a look into how these plant babies affect our choices in partners. After all, it’s important to be on the same page about the living beings under your care before entering into any relationship
So, what does a plant baby reveal about its plant parent? Also, why are people with green thumbs so sexy?
For these answers, we’ll need to look at statistically insignificant science, based on a smattering of personal experience. Here's to choosing your best partner in life and your greenhouse.
1. SUCCULENTS: Easy to find and cute as a button, succulents have become a popular choice for plant parents of all experience levels- with good reason! Succulents are easy to care for and come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
Pros: Minimal commitment. Water them once every few weeks and keep them in the sunlight. Great for beginner parents. Sometimes they grow cute little flowers. Cons: Easy to forget about. Can attract bugs. Looks fake sometimes. A little basic. What it says about the parent: They are intentionally low-maintenance, and they try their best to be a good person. They’re probably clinically depressed and have at least one creative side hustle. Will give good hugs, as they are touch starved.
2. HERBS: Basil, chive, mint, oregano, and much more! Leafy, fragrant greens in your own kitchen can serve both aesthetic and practical purposes.
Pros: Adding fresh herbs to your meals can increase flavor and health benefits and assist in attracting a suitable partner (herbs make better chefs of us all). There’s nothing like a happy plant in the kitchen.
Cons: Very easy to kill and very ugly once dead.
What it says about the parent: They’d like to get out of the city. When they were a kid, they made a bucket list of all the things they’d like to do in life, and they’ve only done about 6 of them. Someday they’re going to open a shop on Etsy and publish a book on the occult. If you’re not ready to be a muse, don’t engage.
3. INDOOR VEGETABLES: An impressive feat! Growing your own food inside is an excellent option for those who have a lot of courage and space in their budget for high-risk endeavors, or just a lot of patience.
Pros: Access to fresh vegetables and a solid reason to humble-brag. Providing food for yourself and your loved ones is a resume-worthy achievement.
Cons: It’s a commitment. You’ll need time, space, focus, consistency, and a fair amount of luck. You’ll also need some tough skin in case your tomatoes absolutely refuse to live. Vegetables love to be difficult.
What it says about the parent: If the vegetables are thriving, these people are ready to be the cornerstone of a generation. If not, they probably need a reminder that it's ok to slow down and take naps. They keep sleeping in past their alarms and it’s starting to haunt them. Just a heads up: you will need to affirm them that they’re not bad people.
4. SNAKE PLANT: Striking and stately, a snake plant always grabs attention. Just be careful not to get pricked.
Pros: An excellent choice for someone who wants an aesthetic plant without too much commitment. They don’t shed.
Cons: Snake plants look like they’d start an argument for fun. They’ll also remind you that you don’t go outside as much as you should.
What it says about the parent: They like things to be a certain way, and probably black out when they stand up too fast. They should look into some iron supplements. Also, their clean laundry has been in the basket for a good couple of weeks now.
5. PALMS: Big fronds, associations with beaches, impressive height. Who doesn’t love a good palm? A great choice for those who dream of tropical locations, or anyone with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Pros: They look Jurassic and provide easy access to fronds if you celebrate Palm Sunday. Adds some sass to the living room. Makes a statement.
Cons: They need quite a bit of space, depending on which one you opt to take home. Very difficult to kill if they decide to compete for dominance.
What it says about the parent: They, at some point in life, considered a career in design. They’re a tough cookie and have a tendency towards stubbornness. They should probably call their grandparents, especially since they get along with their grandfather so well. Big into dream interpretation.
6. ALOE VERA: Yes, this is a succulent. Yes, it’s getting its own category. Aloe Vera plants have been staples in healthcare for years and can offer good companionship for individuals seeking a plant that looks like a set piece from Star Trek: The Original Series.
Pros: Medicinal value! Aloe Vera is great not only for sunburn, but small cuts, burns, and mosquito bites. A funky-looking plant for a funky soul. Cons: Can be spiky. Picky about its home and whether or not it wants to be watered. It’s also technically an invasive species.
What it says about the parent: They’re underrated. They’re kind, considerate, and have low self-esteem. They will remind you to drink water. If you meet them in person, buy their coffee for them. Be prepared for the quietest mental breakdown you’ve ever heard.
7. CACTUS: Yes, these are technically succulents, but they look different enough for their own category. Distinct and iconic, cacti are a fun blend of sweet and sour, or, more accurately, cute and dangerous.
Pros: Sometimes they grow adorable little flowers. Will add a chic desert look to any room. A great conversation starter.
Cons: Will die very easily from neglect, and sit there, crispy and dehydrated, as a reminder of all the projects you’ve started and will never complete.
What it says about the parent: These people aren’t actually plant people. They were given the cactus as a gift. They’re most likely over-responsible and work too hard, but they will absolutely remember your birthday.
8. FERN: While maybe not as popular as some other indoor plants, ferns provide beautiful splashes of green for the corners of your apartment that are notoriously hard to sweep. They will hide your dust bunnies and never tell.
Pros: An interesting choice and a wide selection to choose from. There’s a fern for every person, and a person for every fern. It’s like having a mini grassland in your living room, minus the bugs.
Cons: They must stay wet at all costs. Sacrifice your water bottle to them and they might choose to live. They have a very delicate disposition and a highly selective diet. Very easily displeased.
What it says about the parent: They’re very close to their mother. They’re also likely to have anxiety and a preference for dogs. They’re not quite flower people, but not quite succulent people, and probably listen to True Crime podcasts on walks.
9. GERANIUMS: Gracing flowerbeds and windowsills alike, geraniums are the flower that everyone knows, but no one knows the name of; if your grandparents have flower gardens, these beautiful boys are there.
Pros: A uncontroversial indoor plant with happy flowers. Some varieties are scented, some aren’t. Content to bloom all year round with basic care. Will keep the spiders in your windowsill company.
Cons: If you over-water them, they will rot without warning. Might as well knit them as sweater as they don’t handle the cold well.
What it says about the parent: They actually know a little about plants. They can probably spell ‘hyacinth’ from memory and know about deadheading. There are gardeners in this family. Said family will invite you to their neighborhood’s barbecue, and you will go, as you will be dating the family, not just the person.
10. FAKE PLANTS: Yes, they’re made out of plastic. However, no one will know unless they’re brave enough to ask.
Pros: Won’t die. Doesn’t need care. Looks great all year-round. Limitless selection.
Cons: You won’t have to water it, but you will have to dust it. Eventually someone will get suspicious that your plants always look perfect, and they will realize your identity as a serial plant-killer.
What it says about the parent: They have come to terms with many of their faults. These are the people who won’t respond to your texts for two weeks, but then reply with paragraphs. Don’t take it personally. They just have a lot on their minds and their therapist’s suggestion to scream every morning for cathartic release is really helping.
That’s just scratching the surface, but I do hope it can be of some use to you. If you were wondering, I fall into the ‘Fake Plant’ category, and have killed many a cactus. However, I was recently gifted a succulent. His name is Walter, and I think he’s trying to flower. Fingers crossed. We’ll take all the luck you can wish our way.
Best of luck navigating this crazy world. You are lovely.
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